At this very moment I am so very confused.
...
You have absolutely no idea. It's incredible how far of an extent my mind can go into such complete and utter disarray - to think I have my shit together would be lying in every possible aspect. My thoughts are scattered and are as organized as the stars themselves. Hmm...
I hoped so much for something that I'll remember and hold close for the rest of my life. It doesn't even have to be something physical; a simple yet encompassing memory would suffice. People find me odd because I get attached to others too quickly, too deeply. Every person that I meet has its unseen mark upon me. Every scar a memory. It isn't that I try - in fact I'd garbage the emotions, unwanted, simply because it hurts too much in the end when I have to eventually turn the car around and forget. Sure, it's all a part of growing up, meeting new people, new friends, new experiences - just the hurt seems to be the inevitable salt and pepper of life. We can never get enough.
I look through my collection of photographs of faces from my past; some bring smiles to my face, and others not so much. Or I put on certain songs that bring certain emotions up to the brim, a stirring that I haven't felt in what seems like eons. I always find myself in this situation. Makes me wonder whether or not it was all my doing that I even ended up in such a...problematic event... but I believe that the fact of life isn't on what will happen because you planned it - in truth if you really look at it, everything happens on its own, you might have SOME influence to the outcomes.
Shan and I have found ourselves in some interesting predicaments of our own, sharing them across some almost 300 miles. I often think about everything - which is the future to my/our stories. I find it almost morbidly amusing that no matter how many times we find "love" in all the wrong places that feel right so many times, we'll always have one another to count on that we will never cease, won't take each other for granted, and especially... we won't ever forget.
Love never fails.
