&perfect`gracefulness

3.11.2005

i've somehow found myself in a strange predicament.
[how i love to use that word argh]
yep. a predicament. a conundrum.
fookockin' hell man, i don't know, i even turned to my friggin CAT for answers.
to which i received none, but if i ever do i'll let ya know. ;)
i've codenamed my like interest. he will now be known as "The Artful Dodger."
Seriously. why? 'cuz!

so anyway, Art and I talked last night on the telephono, and he basically
rehashed of his own predicament of having someone cover for him but
finding no one to take his shift on Sat night. you see, if i were to do it,
i would have to slave away from 7 in the morn to 6:30 in the pm. ooh
sounds mighty tempting....eh....not really. i'm also trying to recover from
the cold virus, goddamn that stupid virus argh. anyway, if i were to do it...
not only would i receive brownie points for Art, but...also i'd get another
rerun of the "Sick Days." fun stuff. not really. and they wouldn't let me work
anyway, not in a place like that, if i were hacking and coughing and sneezing
up a friggin' tranny from my sore throat while on the job. you see what
people do for "love?" stupid people.

the reason why he needs someone to cover for him? he's in a hip-hop[ppity] band
and Sony, or more specifically Epic Records, is wanting him to record a demo
or something like that tonight [Friday night] and Saturday night. that is his
reason, as he spun the web of a tale over satellite signal. how far would a person go for a single
moment of affection? har har not that anything would happen if i DID cover
for him; i'd be too busy trying to cut the endless string of green snot running from my nose
to my finger. excellent imagery, i might add. i'd also look like the pillsbury
dough boy on weed, all puffy and red. ah crap. either way i think i would lose.
catch 22.

fudge.

oh great. sade is playing over the radio. twat the hell's happening with the world?!?!
arghness. oh yeah. i need to put more fuel into erica [the acura dummies]. sesame donut,
across from raleigh hills assisted living, know me as a regular customer now. but i always
order the same thing now; a strawberry-cheese filled croissant. delish. it's funny; i don't know whether or not they're truly complimenting me or just trying to keep my business. "and a strawberry croissant for the beautiful lady," the guy hands me my order. gods, i wish people weren't so devious these days, it's hard telling whether or not they're screwing with my head. i really hate it when people screw with my head.

[this is no ordinary love...
no ordinary loooove...]

argh. somebody needs to change that station. like a pesky bug caught in my ear.
oh yea. i'm so glad i'm not a smoker. i've seen those lungs in those jelly-filled vats.
not pretty, no siree.
my boss is so hilarious. he's like a radio, always singing weird songs like "pizza-pie" you know, that italian song with the moon? yeah....and kelly clarkson songs, and he can do a wicked eminem impers. he's an awesome boss, i'll tell you what. only he won't be so awesome if he
decides to fire Art.
He fired Tom, my favorite cook, argh.
whateva. que sera sera....

RECOMMENDED SONG for the crap-filled hearts: You and Me by Lifehouse

;it's something sophiscated.
~~5:03 PM~~

3.08.2005

oh man there are so many things i'd like to say.
though what i say may permanently incriminate me :)
man, i wish i didn't have to work tonight - not because i don't want to work, it's because i have a cold and i feel, most inexplicably, like shit that got crapped on.
and yes, that's bad! lol

so i got welcomed into the merry band of weirdos that work at raleigh hills assisted living. yes, they are crazy - some would have to be a little on the eccentric side to be working at an old folks' home, right? hm, maybe. at least i was. i have never ever before done a job like this, nor have i considered it. what made me do it? who knows. something different. when i saw the position on a piece of paper from the oregon department of unemployment, i felt a strong pull, either that or a push.

i'll tell you how i met rob. i'll tell you nothing else though ;)

i drove to work at approximately 6:45 in the morning [yes, harsh]. i went to the front but realized the doors weren't going to open for me and so i waited...and waited some more. i was a little miffed that gary, my boss, had not told me how to get in other than the front door. then i saw someone walking in the distance - and it was that guy i saw the day i was filling out the paper for this job, the staring guy. he looked tired, yet surprised a little. i decided to put my stone face on, lol, like i was not in the mood to deal with anybody else's shit that morning. he came to the front of the automatic sliding doors near me, and i guess he wasn't special either, the doors wouldn't let him in. so then he turned around and used a rear entrance, where you had to punch in a series of numbers in order to get in. for about five or ten seconds i wouldn't follow him - my pride was shortcircuiting my brain. then i did - i don't know how i got in, i didn't even punch in the correct numbers, but the door opened up to me anyway. how weird. then i see my boss, and he tells me the doors are slightly open, even i could have pried them open with my bare hands. i was still miffed; he had chosen to withhold the secret numbers for me until now. of course i didn't let on.

we got to the kitchens and there was juan, who i had worked with the day before, and there was that guy. gary introduced me to them and the guy, named rob, kind of nodded to me and i purposefully ignored him slightly, like i do all boys who i think are a little on the attractive side. don't ask me why, geez. then gary began telling me what i was to do - the usuals, dishes, get the drinks ready, get the ice for the salad bar, yadda yadda. the whole deal. later on rob introduces himself to me via himself, and then later on asks what my nationality is. why does everyone seem to ask me that?? ah well. so i say filipino - chinese. from my grandmother's side. so he nods and says he has a half brother who's part samoan and half filipino, a big guy. that made me smile but left me thinking he better not be lying to me. he helped me out a lot during the day, and when i was supposed to be filling the room tray orders, he gave me the heads up, nodded to me and said i better get on them otherwise i'll be late. i dismissed it with a wave of my head, panicking a little.

he asked me once if i needed his help with the drinks, and i told him a blunt no, and that seemed to hurt his feelings a little [or so he says later on, haha] and i tell him later on it was because i was afraid of being late. it had nothing to do with him. in fact i thought he was asking me if i WANTED a drink. what a dumbass on my part.

then the big heavy ECU [extensive care unit] cart had to be taken on over, and it's so big [for me anyway], i had my doubts about pushing it all the way to the ECU ward. one of the cooks asks me if i knew where it was so i could take it over there, and i said no, i don't think so, and almost instantly rob jumps in and starts pushing the cart, "here, i'll show you," and motions for me to follow him. juan was standing near and was joking a little with him for some reason, grinning from ear to ear, as though rob wanted me to be alone with him or something like that, and rob only pushed him away, a little embarrassed, telling him to go away while juan exchanged some weird glances with me. i acted like i had absolutely NO idea what was going on. in some cases i really didn't.

skip to after lunch. he asks the cook if he could have a few pieces of the cake, to which the cook says yes. then he asks me if i wanted for them to wait until after i got back taking the food up to the residents and i said yes. then juan i guess wanted to eat them now or something and so i told rob go ahead, don't wait up for me. still he insisted, by saying, "might as well." that way we could all take our 10 minute breaks at the same time.

i purposefully took longer on the room trays; i wanted to see if they really would wait on me. so when i returned i saw the cake sitting there near the coffee maker, and rob walks over and gets a plate and motions to go out toward the dining room again, showing me where my piece of chocolate mint cake was sitting. at first i was confused then not knowing what else to do, i followed after him. at first juan wasn't going to join us; we went into the private dining room that was all set up from something reminiscent to trading spaces, the themed overhead fan right down to the little ornamental colored wicker balls that sat in a bowl that decorated the table. how artsy fartsy. anyway, he sat down on one side of the long rectangular table, and i sat on the other side, conscious of where i should sit. how awkward. we talked about some things, of how much i got paid, about the other workers...things like that. how weird. i was eating cake in a fancy dining room with a guy i barely knew. "are we supposed to eat in here?" i asked once, and he smiled and said no. i just shrugged; okay, whatever. i saw him flinch every time someone would go by the door; like we were going to get caught, haha. i wanted to tell him i had never eaten cake alone with a guy before in a fancy dining room, but i thought that would sound dumb, so i stayed mum and hush about that one.

then juan decided to join us, he was so tired he laid down on the chairs. so was i, but not tired enough as we sat there, eating our cake [juan managed to swap his for a piece of apple pie, lol]. it was fun, sitting there with the guys, finally being able to have the chance to have my butt resting on something soft and to get off my feet. not to mention two funny guys to entertain me, lol. we go back as juan and i set up the tables, i didn't want to be in the kitchen with rob for some reason; i didn't want to make myself feel awkward the whole time. but eventually i had to go back in there to get some silverware since we ran out, and i asked him where they were. he points and they're high up on a shelf and i had to strain to get it and i hear him laugh a little when i finally reach them. i glare at him. "sorry, it's just funny watching you reach up like that, since ...." i roll my eyes and shake my head a little, the smile on my face not helping. "yeah yeah i know, i'm short, shut up." and he continues to laugh while i stomp out of the kitchen, exasperated. same thing happened earlier when i couldn't find the styrofoam cups and they were on the top shelf in the dry storage room. i only said he could get it 'cuz he was tall enough for it, and he agreed. i just said i didn't get enough sleep when i was younger, and he replied, "oh, so that's what it is, huh" damn straight.

juan came back from the kitchen and motioned me over and i was so tired, i shuffled my way over to him, muttering, "what??" as i went. he mentioned how rob wanted to invite me to this chinese dinner thing, and how it was so good he had four plates, blah blah blah and that he was going to bring his girl with him too. i told him i might not be able to since i had a dinner reservation [haha] with my sister and brother-in-law. "why not leave them alone? since you live with them, they'd need a romantic night alone," juan suggested and that had never really occurred to me before. little did i know that that little romantic rendezvous would be cut short.

so i went into the kitchen and discussed it with rob. "you don't have to go if you don't want to; i won't make you," or so he says to that extent. i told him i would see if i could go, i would be there after he got off work. so we agreed on that.

after having dinner at Azteca's with Mel and Jeff, they agreed to let me go and so i drove on over to Raleigh and saw Tom, one of the cooks, walking out. "Hey Tom!" I yelled, smiling. "Hey, you going out now?"I must have had a weird look on my face. "Er, yeah, Juan and Rob wanted me to go with them to get some Chinese or something." the whole thing felt weird after he asked me that question. Then I quickly added, "It's NOT a date!" Tom just nodded, telling me rob was a good guy, blah blah blah, then he asked what movie we were going to see after he began to walk off. my mouth must've sprung a washer or something, because it felt like it was gaping. "a MOVIE???! we're seeing a movie?!" i felt perplexed. "Yeah, that's what he was saying," Tom replied. my shoulders must've sagged a little. "I didn't know we were seeing a movie. Huh...." so i marched into the kitchen and found rob at his usual place at the dishes, and i kicked his shin. don't ask me what led me to do that. shawn was there, the other worker dude and he looked at me like i was insane. rob turns and looks at me and kind of smiled. "i was wondering who would kick me like that," was all he said. that's when i forgot the whole change of plans thing with the movie. "i didn't think you would come," he went on. i kind of stumbled backwards, shaking my head. "yeah, i knew you would think that i wouldn't come," was all i said. "well you'll have to wait 10 or so minutes," he said. "let me just finish up here, then we'll go and wait for juan." i nodded and he introduced me to shawn a little. no, not cute, haha. then i went out again and called shan in the dining room.

i think that's all i'm gonna give up today. have to go take shower and go to work. ;)

;it's something sophiscated.
~~12:37 PM~~