10.13.2005
Blurb: "When life gives you happiness, you dig your claws into it like so..."
))((
I just got back from the bank, the store, then met up with my bud Nikos from work over at Starbucks [ick, but hey, coffee is coffee, wut]... grar... I've been up since 7 and already my head hurts. It is supposed to be my day off, but I just can't seem to stop moving. There seems to be this endless fountain of energy spurting forth from god knows where... but hey, I'm not complaining. It's better than sitting around being a sloth all day, get fat and whatnot. Whatever.
I try to write as often as I can in this blog... a sort of way to keep into account of the goings on of my life, the ups and downs recorded via an online blog among millions, but sometimes it's just so hard to find the time to sit my ass down and do it. I try to keep every event in mind to keep them from being forgotten, to be as honest as I can of who I am, what is happening to me and how I perceive this ornate yet complex environment happening around me. Perhaps I have too much time on my hands, haha, but the truth is I try to make the time, even when it's the most difficult to elaborate and put things into words.
For instance, don't expect of me to write down everything that I feel, because I can't - I probably would if I could, but sometimes things just can't be done by way of the norm, like writing, speaking [of course listening/hearing is part of it]... those intricate yet simple human ways of expression. Perhaps those ways of counteraction just aren't sufficient for me, and I believe we could be capable of something more. For one, I would say the human touch is one of the simplest yet most successful ways of getting feelings across. Just simple light touches... a slight brush of skin, a single fingertip, even a rush of air from deep breathing. Even a slight glance when a pair of eyes catch each other's gaze. For some reason even a longing look feels intimate to me [though of course from someone you feel intimate with]. That may sound naive, yet those simple ways of human communication has not lost its intensity with me, as it has lost its effectiveness with how the world has evolved.
Of course it all depends on the circumstance you find yourself in. Everything cannot come across as gradiose - and also ties in with how you see yourself. "Narcissistic gradiosity is founded on the narcissist's sense of omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence." There are so many potentials, possibilities that we get lost and confused; our minds have a tendency to lean toward things that are not necessarily truth but what sounds right due to our own opinions and past experiences. Who even knows what truth is, really? Like people say, "Have fun, you only live once." That may be true, you live once, but why screw up that one chance? You can look at things in so many different angles, at times what to believe in anymore is completely obscure.
))((
Urk, sorry, sometimes I go on endlessly that it isn't until I look back at what I'm writing that I realize I have finally gone insane :D But whatever, what's written above isn't what I came here to write. That's for my own personal reference, haha, so ignore it if you will please.
Things are happening at a fast steady pace [so which one is it?! fast or steady?? haha] and I do believe I have a figurative whiplash. I try to take things as they come; I blame it on myself however, my lack of experience with life, love, all that shit. But sometimes a person can only grow up so fast... guess I'm starting out slightly behind everyone else, in this unforeseen yet inevitable race. Or perhaps I'm going at my own pace..? Which is it, I really don't know. There are a lot of things I don't know [like anyone else you'll ask]. In all honesty, I'll just remain in this happy euphoric state of mind I'm in, for the meantime, and if it doesn't last then screw it. Move on. Things are bound to happen; be it to lose things only to gain certain other things... You're only young once; it's best you do it right the first time around. I hear so many people complaining at where I work that they did not do what they wanted to in the first place, when they had the chance while young, and now grown old there are many things they ended up regretting.
The night that was Rosalia's last at Raleigh Hills, we spoke about the things that she wished she could've done different. How her first love asked her to marry him but she refused because her mother got sick and couldn't leave her and told him not to wait for her. Years later she meets him again, while him happily married still for more than a decade, beautiful kids, a house, a job, happiness. While she tells me she looks at how dead-ended she became because she chose someone else - a bitter separated wife from her abusive husband, raising her son while working two jobs and struggling to make ends meet. Now she's met someone who's devoting all his time, effort and love to her
and her son, which matters the most to her, and now I see this smile on her face that I do believe I never have seen before.
Makes you think; in that one song by Immortal Technique...
You Never Know.
Love the one you're with / Not simply the person who'll have sex with you.
One fault I find in that way of keeping it real is sometimes you just want to be closer... a friend asked me one time why it had to be such a big deal, this whole intimacy thing - like, what was so wrong with wanting to be closer with the one you love? Which of course he was pertaining to sex... and to answer his question, I just blurted the first thing that came to mind. Maybe to keep the connection real, you don't need the lust that comes along with sex to confuse you with how you really feel. Because, all in all if you look at it, we're really simple creatures. We can only understand, feel, express so much at any given time [haha
Déjà Vu].Hmm, in other words, you make do with the time you're given, you appreciate what you have and who you are with; stop complaining because, 9 out of 10 cases, someone else is a lot worse off. And that's the shitty end of the deal to being happy these days.
Curioser and curioser, the way life shits you, then brings you back up. I've been told I'll get hurt a lot more often than I keep count; if so, then so be it. I'm ready [I think, haha] - I mean, what's life gonna do?? Besides completely fuck with me, but hey, it's my life, just try and try again if at first you fail. Or the second time, or the third, or the fourth...
;it's something sophiscated.
11:25 AM
