7.14.2005
you're gonna listen to melike it or notright now...i can't feel the way i did beforedon't turn your back on mei won't be ignoredtime won't healthis damage anymoredon't turn your back on mei won't be ignoredi can't feel........ . .. . ... . .... ... ... . . . .. .... . . ... ... . . . ... ..listening 2: LP and Jay-Z CD Gonna have so much to do this weekend. Gah. Plus on top of that I have to work. Why am I complaining?? I'm not...I just ... want to feel like I have something to say. When I really don't. Sad isn't it? Indeed it is. And I also have to figure out if I'm supposed to attend this thing in Tacoma...in the very same week I have this big luau thing at work which is a very big deal because EVERY SERVER will be there to work till night. Good god... *sigh*
AND on top of that I have to worry about a friend going away, somewhere far where I can't follow. I won't tell him that I'm worried exactly...just the fact that I don't want him to leave when we're just beginning our friendship relationship and whatnot. And I like him, Jesus, he already knows that much - as in more than just friends "like" so you get the gist. But I'm going to tell him that more than anything, I want him to:
1) be happy
2) do WHATEVER he wants
3) just follow his heart. Corny huh? Yeah.
4) not even care what I think because in the end you gotta look out for
number 1, and that's himself.
It's hard for me to say things out of my heart. It's harder than squeezing toothpaste back into the tube - and last I heard, that's pretty damn hard to do. That's why I try not to get attached - they shit me one way or the other. Goddamn it. Excuse my French, but seriously though, why do people have to come and go? [I rhymed ha] Geez. Geez, geez, geez.
And now I feel sick to my stomach because ... I'm afraid of losing someone I've only just begun to care deeply about.
Fuck. That word pretty much summarizes it. "That's the way it goes," my sis says. WHY does it have to go that way? It always turns out ugly for me. What've I done to make God angry at me? ARGH. Oh well.
If that's the way it goes, then ... well, what can I do.
Notta.
;it's something sophiscated.
4:38 PM
