2.17.2005
I kind of met this prof photographer from the Portland/Beaverton area.
She says she wants to photograph me. I'm..REALLY not so sure.
Not because I'm an introvert, it's because, well, there are just some things
I can't let anyone see. EVERYONE has their own insecurities, right? I for one have many of them.
It's stupid sometimes, but....sometimes I just can't stop that nervous feeling in the pit of my
stomach that makes me want to chuck. Oh yeah, I had the same feeling on the day I got my license.
Then there's that impulsive, engulfing anger that I have when I didn't pass the first two times.
Makes me wonder sometimes how many brain cells I'm actually losing every time I do that... ;o)
Anyway, even though I am supposedly old enough to make my own decisions, I'm gonna run it
by Mel first. See what she thinks. Then Shan, lol. It isn't the first time someone who's either semi professional
or just professional wanted to photograph me. Wonder why. There are so many other people out there
that are just as cute and a lot more so - I'd go point them out if someone asked me. Not that I'm not flattered - I am SO unbelievably, ridiculously flattered, it's really rather pathetic.
I'd personally like to see "mediocre" faces in magazines, that'd be so awesome, then the whole idea of "beautiful" would change and most of everyone would be happy [except those that spent a fortune trying to be "beautiful" - that would suck lol]. I think the most beautiful person I ever saw in a magazine was this National Geography face from 17 years ago. Her name was...
Sharbat Gula, I think...I could never even think about pronouncing that, but she had sea-green eyes, from Afghanistan, only a 12/13 year old girl. She was angry as the photographer took the picture, she later on said after the photographer went to find her 17 years later, now a mother and a wife. She didn't need make-up, she didn't need fancy lighting - she was so utterly raw that she was beautiful. At least to me. Anybody else who couldn't pick up on that, wow, they are a dunce. No offense.
Well, supposed to go to the Beaverton library and Bi-Mart with my Bro-in-Law. I wanted to finish A Tree Grows In Brooklyn but who knows. I gotta stop reading so much and get other things finished, besides listening to the Garden State soundtrack I bought yesterday, hehe. Also they had this really awesome sale at Anchor Blue - shirts were like, $1.47, 2.47, 4.27...weird, odd numbers like those, but VERY low prices. ;) it made my day.
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I recommend: Let Go by Frou Frou [#12 in Garden State sndtrck]
Actually, I recommend the whole damn soundtrack! Yeah, really, I do.
"You gotta hear these songs, they will change your life I promise you."
drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy
you're writing your tragedy
these mishapsyou bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go,
jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the
breakdownso let go,
just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the
breakdown
it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha
waiting forit's alright
'cause there's beauty in the
breakdown
so let go,
just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's
beauty in
the breakdown
;it's something sophiscated.
4:57 PM
