9.17.2004
Date: Sep 17 04
Tick-tock: 03:09pm
Music: my mix
Reading: Alice 19th vol. 4
Blerb: One person's junk is another person's junk.
To Boldly Go Where Every Guy Wants To Go: Some Random Bathroom Reading
I was just thinking about how I used to be about two years ago; I was really flat-out shallow. And to think that I'm not all that great to look at either. No, I'm not trying out for the self-pity cruise . . . just taking up an observation. How cruel and foolish most people are out there without even realising it themselves. Even I catch myself at times being an ignorant indifferent little brat.
And for those guys out there who "like Asian chicks with big boobs, long hair, sexy legs and wide eyes," go fuck yourself. Sure they're VERY pretty to look at, envious material, but PUH-LEASE. Even I'd stay the same even if I were under that description. It's so sad that it's so very hard to find guys that aren't always interested in one thing and in one thing only: tearing off your clothes and hammering into you like a friggin' jack hammer on a summer day. *cracks up at description* If only there were pure-as-the-driven-snow guys left out there...mind and body. Sad. Really makes me depressed! Even if the girl players out there who seemingly don't care about this sort of thing while they're sleeping around, I'm sure that someday they'd like to settle down with a decent guy, one that will tell them all they want to hear and simply because they mean it. Love and all its impulses. Gah.
Now with the guy that I've liked for close to 6 years. Yep. I've liked him since 7th grade. First time I saw him was in a hallway. Then in a cafeteria playing the drums. Wow. I haven't had a moment like that since ... well one, recently, but that didn't last. The whole "love at first sight." Now you can't call that "lust at first sight" because back when I was in 7th grade, sex was something of a foreign taboo to me, something I'd never speak of out loud. You get the gist. I was an innocent little Asian girl from another country, who had damn good grades that I'd kill to get back, and a boring plaintitive appearance that I'd surely discard in a second. One thing I could say though was that raspberry eyeliner was my best friend.
I absolutely don't know the personality outlines of this person who I've grown to like in these 5 close to 6 years. I'd sure like to. I'm just too...scared...? Who knows. He himself has said hi to me before at this person's wedding...that wasn't much and it was also because he thought I was saying hi to him which in fact I wasn't, but to his friend next to him, so I was quite unaware and I just dumbly walked away (on cloud 9, haha). Wow. Youth gone amok. Seriously. Who's to judge what love is and what it feels like? Only God, I can assure you. Everybody has their own definition on exactly what real love is, don't they? Even if it is sharing a beer in front of the boob-tube on your 3rd month anniversary, or sharing a lawn swing watching the sunset on your 60th year of marriage.
What am I thinking. Nobody would be sharing a beer, they'd have one for themselves! hehe Silly me!
We are all so imperfect, and these imperfections we sometimes have the habit of hiding from others, even if we know that we all share these sufferings. We just try to create a better world in a world so tainted and sad. Sure there are good things but I'm sure if a T-chart was made, the bad side would be a lot longer in the long run.
"I love therefore I am." *exasperated sigh* REALLY. hmph. I like this one better, "I itch therefore I am." So true. Gah.
--
Went to an auction yesterday - before then I saw Sean at a White City skate park. Burns park, yea, that's what it was called. I think he was with this girl and this guy. Eh. Got a desk, and a rack full of this teenagers stuff he/she got rid of. Bob Marley picture book, mushroom book, How To Grow Marijuana book, and all that other stuff. Funny.
;it's something sophiscated.
3:09 PM
